Mabel and Dipper VS A Very Weird Highschool
by Br0k3n K3yb04rd
Summary: When Mabel gets ahold of a certain space princess's wand, she accidentally becomes the new rightful owner. What's more, an alien exchange student claiming to be Star's sister says the wand was once alive- and it's desperate for revenge. Crossover features characters from Star Vs. the Forces of Evil, Gravity Falls, Invader Zim, Steven Universe, and misc. cameos.
1. New Friendships

It was Dipper and Mabel's first day back to school, and though they mutually missed their summer in Gravity Falls, they hardly showed it with the hopeful smiles they wore that morning. Their first day of high school! They could hardly tell whether the movement in the bus was the road or everyone fidgeting. Older kids excitedly caught up with each other, and some kids put in their headphones. Dipper was gratified with the short opportunity of booting up his Monstermon game for the first time in months- though it was doubtful he could catch up to his friends who were allowed to play their game all summer, it didn't mean he couldn't at least try.

Mabel, on the other hand, lost no time introducing herself to the older girl sitting on the seat across from her. "Hi, I'm Mabel, and this my brother Dipper," she said. "I like your horns."

"Hiii, Mabel," the girl said, as if they were already friends. She extended the hand farthest from Mabel, craning across the middle of the bus to shake her hand. "I'm Star. I like your sweater."

Mabel grinned at the flattery, and shook the hand of the uncomfortably positioned girl. "This is our first day of high school. So, hey. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your experience with this high school so far?"

"A... Scale?..." Star stared at the girl blankly. "Fishes have scales..."

"Oh, no, this has nothing to do with fishes," Mabel said, fairly used to people who struggled with the vernacular, having been acclimated to a sheltered clone boy band, a merman, and of course her Grunkle Ford, who was a couple generations behind on Earth lingo. "How would you rate your experience here?"

"Ohhh," Star said, suddenly understanding. "I'd give it a solid 8.75/10." She beamed as she credited herself yet again for keeping up with Earth culture. "I have tons of friends here. Like Marco, for example." She shook the arm of the boy next to her, who looked up from his phone for only a moment. He smiled and waved sheepishly before returning to his message. "And then of course there's Hope, Ferguson, Janna, Chelsea-" she continued to rattle off names as Mabel's mind started to wander to the wand. "And then," she said dreamily, "There's Oscar."

"Oscar?" Mabel repeated, sensing love afoot.

"Yeah," Star said, chewing on her wand. "Oscarrr..."

"Sounds like someone's got a crush," Mabel teased.

"Hoo boy," Marco mumbled.

"W-what are you talking about?" Star asked, feigning innocence. "I haven't crushed anyone recently," Star said defensively, eyes wild. "Besides that police car. But that was an accident, and no one got hurt- I DID MY TIME, SISTA!"

Dipper and Mabel exchanged glances, Mabel grinning and Dipper showing concern. Did the weirdness of Gravity Falls somehow follow them, or was this girl simply insane? Just as Dipper shut off his game and pulled out a hard-bound journal from his bag, the bus rolled to a stop, and the doors opened.

"What was your name again?" Dipper asked.

"Oh, Star. Star Butterfly."

They entered the building and enjoyed the cool rush of indoor air, contrasting the sweltering heat of the outside. "I have a good feeling about this year," Mabel said cheerfully, before they parted ways for their first class.

A/N: Mabel, Dipper, Gideon, Pacifica, Bill, Stan, and Ford are from Gravity Falls.  
Zim, Dib, Tak, Tallest Red, Tallest Purple, Grechen, Chunk and Ms. Bitters are from Invader Zim.  
Star, Marco, Ms. Skullnick and Principal Skeeves are from Star VS The Forces of Evil  
Steven, Lapis, and Peridot are from Steven Universe.  
Background characters may be cameos from other shows, but will not be important to the plot.


	2. Strange Encounters

Dipper went to his first period and dropped his books when he encountered triangles drawn all over the classroom board. "BILL," he squeaked, before realizing it was a leftover Algebra lesson. Someone turned with a start. "Do I know you?" said the kid who was coincidentally named Bill. Dipper flushed. "Uhh- sorry, someone else." He collected his books and rushed to his desk.

"HEY, DIPSTICK," yelled a boisterous voice from across the classroom.

Dipper froze as the token class bully walking towards him. He didn't recognize the gorilla of a kid who was moving toward him, but he wasn't about to wimp out on his first day. "It's _Dipper._ You want a piece of me?" he said, fists ready.

"What? No—I'm not talking to you, punk," said the bully. Dipper almost felt offended by the anticlimactic confrontation. "I'm talking to lil' Debby here"

"It's Dib," an irritated voice mumbled from behind him. Dipper spun around to look at the kid who spoke- a scrawny kid with a black trench coat, pointy hair, and thick glasses. He could tell immediately he was going to be bully fodder, and felt almost sorry for him.

"So where do you get off taking dog poop from my yard, huh?!"

"It was werewolf poop. I needed it for an experiment. Not like you'd understand."

"Um, maybe because it's weird? You freak."

"Says the idiot who keeps track of his dog's poop," Dib mumbled.

"Wanna say that a little louder?" Chunk said, hot for a fight.

The teacher didn't seem concerned with mediating the situation, focused instead on removing the markings on the whiteboard, which had had the summer to dry and were quite tenacious. "Heh! A tough one, eh?" He mumbled to himself, almost sounding pleased by the challenge. It was clear his focus was on the whiteboard- Dib realized this as soon as everyone else did, and paled when Chunk slammed his hands on his desk.

"You want poop? I'll give you poop. Let's take a walk." He grabbed Dib by the scruff and began dragging him to the door, when suddenly a little green kid ran into him, making a notebook drop from Dib's jacket. "Hey, watch where you're going!" the green kid squeaked.

Dib did a double-take. "Ughh, Zim?! You're in this class, too?"

"Oh, hey, Dib-Stink," Zim said, casually waving at the boy. "About to get a whirly, I see."

Chunk dumped Dib on the floor to pick up Dib's journal. "What's this, some kind of freakish poop journal?"

"Hey, that's mine," Dib protested, but Chunk ignored his flailing hands. Chunk cleared his throat and began reading loudly, pausing frequently at awkward times.

"Hey, everyone, get this: 'I, Dib Membrane... am... a serious… paranormal investigator... And these... are my findings... on Zim, who I'm closely… investigating… in order to uncover-' Wait, Dibstick, is Zim like, your secret crush?"

"NOo," Dib screeched.

"Yeah, he's my obsessive fan," Zim cut in, agitating Dib even further. "How could you not be? I am in awe of my own majestic presence."

"PUT IT DOWN!" Dib said, and Chunk smiled wide as Dib hopped aggressively at the book that was just a finger-length too high. "Yeah, I'll put it down… In the toilet."

Dipper told himself not to get involved, but clearly he had a death-wish. "Hey, man, stop it," he said.

Dib and Chunk both turned and looked at Dipper in surprise. "Make me, dweeb," Chunk said.

Dipper judged the distance and launched himself at the journal.

"HEY-" Chunk held in a tight enough grip that Dipper's grip on the journal had him dangling a few inches off the ground. Chunk shook the journal, trying to throw Dipper off, but the journal was the first to give, ripping straight down the middle. Dib stared in abject horror as the journal pages flew across the floor. "NOOOO! My research!" By then a crowd started to form around them, either hungry for the sight of blood or too spineless to interfere. Dipper glared helplessly at the behemoth of a bully, who grabbed his collar and was ready to rip something else in half. "Your mom ever tell you to mind your business, chump?"

And then the bell rang.

"All right, everyone to their seats," said the teacher, finishing up wiping the last bits of smudges off the now spotless board. "My name is Mr. Coran, and I am your homeroom teacher for this year." He turned, and when he realized the class was ignoring him, chatting amongst themselves and placing some pretty solid bets on Chunk, the teacher repeated in a much angrier voice, "I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF. GET TO YOUR SEATS OR YOU WILL BE CLEANING THE WINDOWS WITH A TOOTHBRUSH."

Everyone scurried like rats to follow the scary teacher's orders. Chunk reluctantly dropped Dipper. "This isn't over," he said in a deadly tone, before shouldering him to get to his own seat. Dipper hurriedly helped Dib to collect the pages of his journal before he settled in his seat.

Satisfied, Coran launched into the lesson- which was really no lesson at all, but a list of the various forms they would sign, and equally dull things of that sort. "Thanks," Dib said suddenly, startling Dipper- he didn't think they were going to acknowledge what had happened. "Normally people don't stand up to me, especially not nerds like you."

Dipper blinked at the backhanded compliment. "Er... Thanks?"

"Sorry- what I mean to say is- we nerds have to stick together, right?"

Dipper looked skeptically at the weak save, and then held out his hand. "I'm Dipper."

Dib accepted it. "Dib. I feel like I've seen you before."

Dipper studied the other boy's face thoughtfully. "Oh... Wait... Aren't you that kid who followed me home once?"

Dib tried to think back. He's followed quite a few kids home before.

Dipper helpfully continued. "Hey! Yeah! It IS you! You're the guy who followed me home because you thought my birthmark meant I was some kind of demonic wizard, and-"

"No, I said you were marked by a demonic wizard," Dib corrected.

Dipper paused uncomfortably. "Run that by me again?"

But Mr. Coran was looming over them. "Boys, I know it's the first day and you have a lot to catch up on, but it can wait until after class. Or do you want to spend detention cleaning gum off the bottom of these desks?"

"No, sir," Dib and Dipper said simultaneously, both eager to avoid manual labor. They glanced at each other, silently promising that they'd have a talk in between class periods.

Only they didn't. "You think you're tough, huh, pipsqueak?" Chunk said. He picked Dipper up by the scruff and tossed him into an open locker, then locked the door behind him. "That's what you get for messing with my biz, little man!"

"Hey, let me out!" Dipper said, beating against the inside of the locker. "This isn't fUnny!" Only his voice cracked as he said it, and his eyes burned in embarrassment, because on the contrary a lot of people out there were laughing. "Time for your WHIRLY," he could hear Chunk shouting through the door, along with Dib's even louder shouts of protest. Then, suddenly, the laughter died as the locker was ripped open. "THERE WILL BE NO BULLYING IN THIS SCHOOL, YA HEAR?!" a loud, raspy woman yelled. She tossed the locker door to the side, silently accepting the fact that the damage would come out of her paycheck. Dipper stared in shock at the sight before him- either she was just really ugly, or the teacher in front of him was a troll. What was going on with this school?! "Well? What are you looking at? SCRAM!" the teacher snapped.

"Ms. Skullnick is terrifying," one student whispered to another, who only nodded sagely in reply.


	3. Ms Bitters

Meanwhile, Mabel had problems of her own, having entered the classroom of a teacher who seemed bent on sucking the joy out of the air.

"It's everything I feared," Mabel whispered to herself in horror.

"Think of this school year as the airbag to the inevitable car crash that will be your life," said Ms. Bitters. "Now, as a teacher I am obliged to make you all introduce yourselves, so make it quick." She looked down at her sheet. "Mabel Pines."

Mabel stood up, trying hard to smile. "Hi, everyone. Mabel here. I have a pet pig and an attitude that will win your heart. Who's ready to make history?!"

When blank, apathetic stares greeted her enthusiasm, Mabel wilted. Suddenly, the door burst open in a shock of bright rainbows. Star bounced into the classroom, and in a roaring voice said, "YEAH, LET'S ROCK THIS JOINT!" She twirled, and out from her wand popped a giant smiling cloud, which flopped on Ms. Bitter's desk and chortled.

Ms. Bitters stared at Star's aggressively cheerful color palette with abject horror. "You're late, Ms..."

"Star! Star Butterfly!" Star shook the chilly teacher's unoffered hand enthusiastically.

Ms. Bitters growled, and then scanned the list of names on the registry. "There's no Butterfly on this list," she said, almost sounding relieved.

"Ohh, yes there is!" Star said, and flicked her wand.

Ms. Bitters snarled at the bright light that emanated, and shrank back into her cloak of darkness. Then she snatched the wand ('Hey!') and said, "I'm confiscating this fairy wand monstrosity. GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE."

"Aww, why? I didn't hurt anyone!"

Ms. Bitters rose, not used to being argued with. "IF I HEAR YOU WHINE ONE MORE TIME, YOUR FAIRY WAND, WITH ALL YOUR LITTLE FAIRY DREAMS, IS GOING TO CALVIN, OUR SCHOOL JANITOR." The cloud on her desk began to absently chew on the wand, looking like a fat marshmallow.

"No! Not my wandddd! Mom would sent kill me!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure the disappointment she has for you can't run any deeper than it already is."

"I guess that's true," Star said uncertainly, hardly comforted. "Anyway, am I still in your class?"

Ms. Bitters sighed at the registry. "Yes. Unfortunately. NOW GET OUT."

Meanwhile, Marco whistled to himself and checked his watch. Star was taking an awfully long bathroom break, which was never a good thing. Hope she wasn't bathing stray cats in the cafeteria soup again, or try to enroll herself in that class with the girl who was nice to her on the bus. "Excuse me, Ms. Skullnick? Star's been gone an awfully long time. Can I go check on her?"

"Fine. Just don't ask for a hall pass," the troll-woman replied gruffly.

Just as Marco had one foot out the door, he collided full-on with a bundle of pure princess energy. "MARCO! MARCO! COME QUICK! THE WITCH-LADY FROM ROOM 34 HAS MY WAND!"

"Uhh, okay?" Marco said, a disappointed frown descending. "Room 34—isn't that a room for ninth graders or something?"

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, MARCO," Star said as she dragged him down the hall.

"Normally when you say that, it actually _is_ important," Marco rebuffed, certain that at least _one_ of his suspicions were true. "What did you _do_?"

"I saw that girl from the bus with the cute sweater and wanted to join her class?" Star smiled innocently, even as Marco kneaded the space in between his eyes.

"Star- tch- we _talked_ about this! You CAN'T just go into a classroom just because you _want_ to!"

"Yeah- but what if I really, _really_ wanted to?"

Mabel waited until Ms. Bitters was thoroughly distracted, which was surprisingly easy considering how many times the old woman stared hopelessly out into the distance. The wand rested at the top of Ms. Bitter's desk, halfway in the happy cloud's mouth, and Mabel removed the grappling hook from her desk to take aim. She had faith. The grappling hook never let her down, give or take a few shattered windows and gutted teddy bears. She closed her eyes and squeezed the trigger. The hook went straight through the cloud, causing it to spring a leak, and water gushed from its side as Mabel reeled it in towards her desk.

Miraculously, Ms. Bitters hadn't noticed the giant cloud floating by, and the other students stared apathetically as the cloud went by them, soaking their clothes and ruining their textbooks. "I hate rain," one kid muttered. "Yeah, I know what you mean," another replied. "I used to love rain." Only one kid said, "Are we still gonna do introductions?" But nobody cared about that guy's feelings.

Once the wand was in Mabel's hands, she couldn't contain a victory squeal. Of course, the cloud was still gushing, so she gently guided it out the window, just in time for Ms. Bitters to turn back around.

"Who brought water into my classroom?" Ms. Bitters said. She sniffed along each person's bag until she reached some girl sitting in the back. "NO DRINKS IN MY CLASSROOM!" She shrieked, plucking a water bottle from the girl's lunchbag. "Do you want to be a jailbird?! BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS! _Disrespecting_ authority!" The girl broke down into tears.

"No. NO, YOU WATERY WENCH. TAKE YOUR SOGGY TEARS OUT OF MY CLASSROOM." The girl didn't need to be told twice, slamming the door behind her.

"YOU," she said, pointing at Mabel. Mabel startled, afraid she'd been caught. She smiled, playing innocent. "Me? What about me? Nothing suspicious of course. Nothing at all. Hahaha"

Ms. Bitters narrowed her eyes. "You're staying after and cleaning this watery mess up! Understand?!"

Mabel sighed. "Aw, nuts..." But she didn't protest entirely, knowing it was her fault, and totally worth it. She slid the wand in her bag, prepared to maybe give it a _little_ whirl before returning it to its rightful owner.


	4. The Information Center

Peridot had had enough of it. Though clearly she was the most well-versed gem when it came to Earth culture, she had to admit her knowledge was still… Lacking. Initially she was okay with it, especially since Amethyst found it amusing, but a run-in from some clod selling rounded pastries made her realize she really needed to "expand her horizons". "Expanding your horizons" is earth-speak for collecting information from sources you never considered before. It was disappointing to learn the meaning was not literal, because the human had Peridot thinking that those pastries (with otherwise useless holes) were meant for viewing the horizon, thereby expanding your view of it. That's the logical thing to assume, right? But no, she was, to quote the human, "Hilariously wrong."

Peridot frowned, beginning to feel mad again at the memory. How was she supposed to keep up with all this confusing information on a planet completely different from everything she knew?! Besides, she kept herself thoroughly educated on the nuances of human life through her meticulous study of Camp Pining Hearts.

Commendably, it was Steven's friend Connie who told her about this information exchange center that humans typically congregated at. It would be an acceptable place to begin her research. Only, Beach City's information center was, at best... Insufficient. They took a launch pad to go a bit father out. Miraculously, Peridot was able to convince Lapis to go the rest of the way, apparently at Steven's encouragement.

"What did she call that information center again?" Peridot asked, clinging to Lapis's back as she flew.

Lapis shrugged indifferently. "A… Library?"

"We've been flying for a while now. Days? Weeks?... Hours? Do you have any idea where we're going?"

Lapis stared at the distant ground below. "Uhhh… No."

Peridot tapped her shoulder, squinting through depth-reducing eye enhancers. Binoculars? "Fly lower so I can see better."

Lapis frowned.

Peridot realized her error. "Err… _Please._ "

Lapis smiled, and they descended below the clouds, circling a building surrounded by large yellow vehicles. "Hey, look! An information center!" Peridot exclaimed triumphantly. "Look at them! So many books! And an information technician for every room!"

"But that doesn't say 'Library' on it," Lapis replied skeptically.

"You know how humans can't be straightforward with anything. Let's go!"

They wandered through the halls, Peridot occasionally asking Lapis to help her short self look into a classroom window, and occasionally Lapis poking her head curiously into an open locker. The sound of footsteps drew their attention to a blond, bouncy human in a dress dragging along a slightly disgruntled human in a red hoodie. "Excuse me, but where do I go to access your knowledge base?" Peridot said to the bouncy human.

Star stopped bouncing as a little green girl caught her attention. She smiled at the small stature of the little triangular child before her, and knelt so that they were at eye level. "Don't worry, little one, I know alllllll about the knowledge base."

"Knowledge base? Star, there is no knowledge base," Marco said, pulling his hands out of his red hoodie to gesticulate.

"Not even the libraryyy?" Star said cleverly.

"Yeah! That's it! The library!" Peridot said excitedly.

Marco sighed. "Well—but wait, are you two even students here?"

Peridot and Lapis exchanged hopeless looks. "Um. No?" Peridot said. Of _course_ she knew what a student was, in the context of a pupil/teacher relationship, but she didn't see how it was at all relevant, seeing as they clearly had no instructor at the moment. "Neither are you. Er- do you _need_ to be?"

"You guys aren't humans, huh," Marco deadpanned, seeing all the signs.

Lapis and Peridot exchanged looks. "Are we supposed to lie? I think Steven's human friend said we shouldn't be telling everyone we're gems."

Lapis held up her hands apathetically. "You got us. We're aliens."

"Oh, don't worry," Marco said reassuringly. "Star's sort of like an alien."

"I'm from another dimension," Star said, as if there was a huuuge difference.

"Yeah," Marco said awkwardly.

"Anyway, let me take you to our leader," Star said cheerfully. "I need to go there anyway, I guess."

"You don't mean the principal's office, right, Star? I think he told the teachers to stop sending you."

"How else can I complete the trials to win back my wand, Marco?!" Star said, frustrated that Marco wasn't keeping up with the bigger picture.

Marco shrugged, not too invested in protesting Star's ever-changing decisions. "Okay. Let's go."

Lapis crossed her arms wearily. "Look, Peri… You go by yourself. I'll wait outside."

Peridot nodded. "Okay. Thanks for coming this far, Lapis." And then she went to follow Marco and Star to the great unknown that was the principal's office.

Lapis found herself alone in an unfamiliar place, having second thoughts about sending Peridot alone by herself. They had gotten this far away from the barn together, without Lapis breaking down! But Lapis was reluctant to walk into another situation that could have her captured. She trusted leaders only as far as she could throw them.

A door abruptly opened behind her. "What are you doing out of class?!" A voice screeched.

Lapis began running as fast as possible.

"Hey! Get back here!"

Lapis dove a corner and jumped into one of the classrooms to avoid her pursuers. She caught her breath as they passed. All eyes in the classroom were on her. She should've known this would all be a trap!

"You must be Ms. Sloane Peterson," said the teacher. "You're late. Go sit down over there."


	5. Temporary Pupil

Dib had accepted the fact that his notebook was beyond repair, and was using it to soak up the excess toilet water in his hair as he half paid attention to Ms. Minerva give out the lesson plan for the year. As if anyone in this school was going to tell him more about biology than he already knew! He stared glumly and willed the clock to move faster. Next period was PE with Zim, and he looked forward to pummeling that stupid green alien with a dodge ball.

"As you all may know, the Big Bang is a widely accepted theory of how our universe came to be, supported by thorough observation of our world and studies of our own chemical makeup, and they adhere-"

The classroom door opened with a soft click, and a small blue figure slipped in, looking agitated. Dib dropped his journal pages, and they slipped onto the floor with a wet plop. No. No way.

"You must be Ms. Sloane Peterson," said Ms. Minerva. "You're late. Go sit down over there."

"Uh... Okay," the figure- the _girl_ , replied. "That's not my name. It's Lapis."

"All right. Speak to me after class. Sit."

Dib gripped his head. "You've gotta be kidding me," he gasped. A huge grin slid over his face. " _Another alien?!_ "

Lapis looked around uncertainly. Then, with a look of resignation, she shuffled over to the desk beside Dib. Dib struggled to contain his excitement, thankful there was more than stupid Zim to look forward to all day. Kids snuck curious glances from the front rows, whispering about that giant stone on the blue girl's back or booting up their Pokemon Go game to see if she was a catchable monster. Dib tried to play it cool, knowing he would need sound evidence to irrefutably prove Lapis was an alien. After all, she _could_ just be a weird girl in cosplay.

"I'll catch you," Dib said, leaning over Lapis so she alone could hear.

"What?!" Lapis startled.

"Quiet down," Ms. Minerva said sternly.

Lapis scooted her chair over and glared at him warily.

"I know you're an alien," Dib said, his tone becoming darker by the minute. "You're not the first who's tried and failed to take over Earth. I wonder if your insides are blue, too."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lapis said, her voice matching his in severity of tone, "But you'll find a lot of trouble if you try to capture me."

Lapis raised a hand, and Dib felt the water in his hair dissipate, and rise into the air. He looked up in confusion as water bubbles collected above him. Then, Lapis made a clawing motion, and the water bubbles sharpened into shards of ice, and embedded themselves into Dib's desk. Dib tried to shift his arms and realize the shards had pinned his long sleeves to the desk. He grunted in effort trying to free himself as Lapis slipped by and slid out the window on the other side of the classroom.

Oh... And of _course_ Dib was the only one who witnessed Lapis flying away!

A/N: Thank you for the correction, Guest. :) I have fixed the issue.


	6. Star's Sister?

Principal Skeeves thought he could have a good day. The first day was usually busy, but it was problems he could either hand over to his secretary, or put off until a little after it was necessary. That's why, when he saw the top of a blond head with devil horns looming outside his office window, he made like a fire drill and dropped to the floor. But it was too late.

"Oh, Principal Skeeeeeeeeeves," Star Butterfly sing-songed.

"I'm not-" he adopted a squeaky tone, "He's not here right now! Come back later!"

A boot forced itself into his door, tearing it off its frame. She smiled cheerily at him as she made her way over the fallen door, a small green child in tow. Skeeves stared at Marco in betrayal as he, too, came in behind Star. Star was the first to speak. "Oh, Skeevsy, your magic voice-changing beans don't fool me. I'm an expert at recognizing disguised voices."

"S-Star Butterfly! Ohoho. So... So clever," the principal forced himself to say, gripping his tie like a lifeline. He readied himself for the worst. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"Oh, Skeevsy-Weevsy, nothing's wrong, hahaha!" Star said reassuringly. "Silly. I was sent here by Ms. Bitters."

"Oh," Skeeves replied with a frown. Ms. Bitters had just transferred from Skool Elementary School after a hot glue incident that left her incapable of tolerating small children. He knew Star wasn't in her class- he kept Star with Skullnick because she could handle her. But then, Star had a habit of being in places she didn't belong and causing havoc. "Oh, not to worry, I'm sure I can reason with her on the- err- issue. Nothing to worry about. I am very busy today, can't handle that situation right now. You can go now, and I'll tell her-"

Star held up a hand. "Oh oh oh! Wait! This is Peridot. She needs to be indicted as a fellow student!" The green child moved forward, hands behind her back as she haughtily inspected the room. "Mmm. This isn't quite what I expected," she said.

"Oh God, there's two of them," Skeeves whispered to himself. He tried to not look like his worst fears were affirmed. "Is this child, errr... Do you have any papers?"

"Papers?" Peridot repeated uncertainly. "No one said anything about papers-"

"Yet!" Marco suddenly cut in from behind. "This is Star's... Uhhh... Sister!"

"Sister?" Peridot repeated, confused.

"Sister!" Star said, and grinned as if Marco just told her she could indeed keep the stray puppy. Marco already felt regret for his decision.

"Yes, sister," Marco continued. "You see, she's from Mewni, like Star, who is her sister, but she was sent off to... Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses!"

Star screamed, and Principal Skeeves scrambled for cover at the sudden noise coming from the volatile princess. He cames out of hiding when she tapered off. "Saint O's," Star whispered in horror, and visibly shuddered.

"I did what now?" Peridot said, mildly annoyed that she wasn't being filled in. "State Organs?"

"It messed her up a bit," Marco cut in. "She can't even remember the name of the place. That's why we need to have her here."

Principal Skeeves glanced back and forth between Marco and Star. It was too early in the school year to say she was too late for registration. "Weellll, I can't do anything without any papers. And I really need your parent's approval before I can-"

"That's fine," Marco said, calling his bluff. "We can wait here for Star's parents. They're royalty, so it might take a reeeeaaally long time for them to come over here. And I'm sure they'd be so happy with the interruption. Kind of like during that parent-teacher conference last year when Star's dad came through the roof with a battle ax-"

"Welcome to Echo Creek Academy, Star's sister!" Principal Skeeves said hastily, shaking Peridot's hands.

"Uhhh... Okay," Peridot said, once again lost in trying to understand the illogical intricacies of human culture.

"She'll need a guide," Marco added. "And not me. I already have Star. It would have to be a freshmen like her."

Principal Skeeves sighed. "Yess, I guess you're right." He opened his files on the incoming students of Echo Creek before settling on his decision.

"Dipper Pines to the office, please."

A/N: I want to thank everyone for the kind reviews. This is really fun to write, so I hope it's just as fun to read. I hope you enjoy the chapters to come! :)


	7. Not HER Again

Dipper was relieved to discover his second class period wasn't nearly as eventful as his first, and he had time to jot notes about Dib's remark about him being marked by a "demonic wizard". That was, until an unexpected interruption from outside caught everyone's attention. The wind whipped in a circle as the unmistakeable sound of a helicopter landing drew their attention, dropping a set of stairs directly through one of the windows. A blond head emerged and looked around, before her eyes rested on Dipper.

"P-PACIFICA?!" Dipper sputtered incredulously. The girl in question smiled and snapped a finger, and a red carpet rolled out from the helicopter steps out to the classroom's front and center. Music came seemingly out of nowhere as a spotlight rested on Pacifica, flanked by two footmen, who helped her descend the steps with sumptuous grace. Confetti burst from pods in the ceiling, and everyone gasped in awe as the footmen danced in synchronized harmony. As the music tapered off, Pacifica brought up a microphone and began: "Hello, fellow students of Echo Creek Academy! I, Pacifica Northwest, am here to welcome myself to your humble little school. I'm sure you've all heard of the Northwests, but I plan to set myself apart from my family's namesake, and become an ordinary student like all of you. Now, each of you will find in your desk a little gift from me, as a token of our friendship."

Each of them opened their desk at the prompt, and found inside a glitzy gift bag filled with party favors, fancy perfume samples, and, Dipper noted with surprise, a keychain from the Mystery Shack.

"Also, as a-"

"NO!" A voice cut in, as Pacifica had the mic snatched from her. "I will NOT have some tasteless, middle-class outsider upstage ME!" Everyone turned to find Brittany Wong, the established rich girl of the school, standing on top of her desk, her face entirely scarlet. "You think you can just come in here with your cheap keychains and your trashy music and think you can impress us?! Think again!"

The teacher, completely untrained for how to handle a rich girl skirmish, stepped between them. "PLEASE, wait until after class. Pacifica, Brittany- Please find a seat."

Pacifica scowled and snatched the mic from Brittany. "Okay, but don't forget about the party at my house after school today. The invitations are in your bag. Don't forget to tell your friends." Her footmen escorted the student sitting beside Dipper to another seat to make room for Pacifica, who smiled victoriously as she slipped into the seat.

"Did you miss me?" She asked Dipper with a wink. Dipper stared back, aghast.

"This isn't over, tart-face," Brittany said from across the room, as she shoved past one of the footmen to take her own spot. The footmen cleared the area of mess and boarded the helicopter, and soon everything was close to normal.

"You may continue," Pacifica said dismissively to the teacher, who could only sigh, and mumble. "179 days until summer."


	8. Captive

Lapis flew low over the top of the knowledge base, looking for any sign of Peridot on the grounds. When her search was fruitless, she went lower along the windows for the familiar triangular head, and her agitation grew when she noticed just how many humans were amassed in this building. Was this some sort of training facility, or a base for military intelligence operations?

She shuddered, thinking of the kid who talked about capturing her and the people who pursued her in the hall. She couldn't leave Peri there by herself, but she couldn't go back in there without some kind of backup. She needed to tell Steven. She needed to-

Lapis collided with something fluffy and soggy: a wet cloud? Whatever it was, it was pouring and endless stream of water and making chortling noises. She flailed and threw it off into one of the open classroom windows, but she realized too late she was flying directly into a helicopter. She dodged by flying up, which was a mistake. The blades broke through her form, and, in a burst of smoke, she was reduced to her gem state. The blue gem fell into the soft grass below, unnoticed by the ascending helicopter.

A black gloved hand picked up the teardrop gem and turned it around in his palm. A Lapis Lazuli. Zim grinned to himself and slipped the Gem into his pac. This was too easy.

Zim had been spying on Dib's class (the reason entirely unimportant) when he noticed the strange blue girl fly out of his classroom. After tailing her for almost fifteen minutes, he'd seen enough to know she was some sort of enemy spy.

The Gems had a pact to not invade planets marked by Irk. If Gems were moving to take Earth for themselves, it meant war with Irk, and he would have to notify the Tallest immediately. He wondered if they would give him his own fleet?

How much she knew, and whether she worked alone, he'd have to find out. He would find out, of course. If she was anything like the other Gems he'd encountered in Irk, she'd take some time to regenerate. Long enough, he guessed, to return to his base and find a suitable holding chamber.

* * *

Brittany Wong was no stranger to rivalry, having already developed one with another obnoxious blonde girl. This Pacifica Northwest, however, was clearly entering her turf and taking over her hot party scene. Why else would she be stealing the thunder on her own first-day-back-to-school party?! This would not stand; everyone had to see this girl for the joke she was, or her party was ruined!

"Dipper Pines to the office, please," an intercom called. The loser Pacifica sat next to almost seemed relieved, leaving behind his "gift bag" in the hurry. Brittany didn't miss the look of disappointment of Pacifica's face, nor did she miss the opportunity of the open chair beside her new nemesis. Her attention turned to Gretchen, the girl sitting beside her. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Gretchen had been on a waitlist to be her friend for over 10 years.

She leaned over to the girl's ear. "Hey, do me a favor, I'll give you an invitation to my next party. Trust me, it's a party you don't want to miss."

"But I was already going to Pacifica's party," Gretchen replied uncertainly.

Brittany grimaced. "Okay, fine, I'll also give you a VIP friendship card. And a chance to be seen with me in the hall." Gretchen naturally couldn't say no to that, and Brittany placed a gold necklace in her hand, and whisperer the plan in her ear.

Pacifica pretended not to be aware of her new nemesis speaking to a girl in braces. She was wary when she heard the girl move to sit beside her, in Dipper's vacant seat. Really, Brittany thought she was that dense? Being a rich girl herself, she knew the sort of trick a fellow dishonest rich girl would pull. Of course, Brittany was watching her, so she simply pretended to contemplate her nails when the braces girl slipped something glittering into her original Chloe handbag.

Pacifica snorted at the cliche, and discreetly hid her mouth to whisper to the girl. "Listen, I'll pay you $200 AND make you a guest of honor at my party if you put that cheap necklace back in Brittany's knockoff Gucci bag."

"Uhhh-" The girl seemed startled by the fact that she was caught, and mulled over the proposal. When she felt a hand enter her purse again, Pacifica knew she already won. She didn't need to watch in order to know the girl had slipped away to return to her place beside Brittany.

Brittany waited small, victorious moment before she stood dramatically and shouted, "WHERE IS MY NECKLACE?!"

The teacher nearly dropped a whiteboard marker in surprise. "Your- what?"

"MY NECKLACE! It was stolen!" Brittany emphatically pointed at her neck. Pacifica couldn't hide a smirk.

"HER! Look at her smirking! She did it!" Brittany proclaimed, and stomped over to Pacifica's desk. "If you're so innocent, dump out your bag and-"

"H-hey... Brittany," Gretchen cut in quietly. "Is... Is this the necklace you were talking about?" Her hands were shaking as she held up the golden necklace.

Brittany turned in shock, and then, slowly, became a deep cherry red. "Why, you little-"

And that's when a little raincloud came floating through the open window, chortling and gushing water. It soaked the shocked, sputtering Brittany from head to toe before disappearing in a puff of giggling mist. As if that wasn't enough, just a moment later the helicopter set off, blow-drying Brittany's hair in a horrible spiky mass that covered her face.

Brittany was stunned for a solid minute before realizing the entire class was busting their guts in laughter. "You look like that ghost from Ominous Circle," Pacifica gasped, apparently not refined enough to control her laughter.

Brittany burst into tears and knocked over all the desks in her wake as she wailed and stormed out of the classroom.

"Is the day over yet?" The teacher grumbled quietly.

* * *

Dipper Pines nearly tripped over himself getting to the office, thankful for an excuse to get away from the utter confusion that was his current class predicament. He still couldn't believe Pacifica flew all the way from Gravity Falls, Oregon just to be in the same class as him. What happened to being a "lowly commoner" or whatever she called him?! Granted, Weirdmaggedon had brought them all closer together, and she had managed to come to his and Mabel's birthday party with some good presents. But this was still just so weird!

Weird enough, in fact, that he hadn't even thought to wonder why he was being called to the office. The first thing he noticed was the felled door, and the principal who seemed to eagerly await him outside. "Oh! Good! You're finally here," Skeeves said eagerly. "We need a guide for this incoming student, you see, someone who we can trust. Your files tell me your were voted the "safe kid" of your middle school graduating class-"

"If it's Pacifica, I already know about her," Dipper interrupted quickly.

"What? No," the principal said, perturbed. "This student is not from our- err- not from around here, so to speak."

"Not from around here?" Dipper said uneasily.

And that's when he saw the short, green figure with a triangular head stumble out of the principal's office.

Dipper's eyes widened in horror. "BILL!"


	9. Changing Tides

"Bill? Who's Bill?" Peridot said, sounding more annoyed than confused. Star and Marco stumbled out of the office behind Peridot. They should probably deal with that door at some point.

"But- your head- it's a triangle," Dipper explained, notably flustered.

A janitor, coincidentally also named Bill, dropped the trashcan he was emptying. "You know my name," he said, sounding touched. "No one ever says my name. Not for many years."

"No! NO!" Dipper said. "Not you! Just... Never mind. Thought you were someone else."

Bill the janitor frowned and returned to his work dejectedly.

"Hi. I'm Peridot," the green kid started awkwardly. "Errr... Nice to... Meet you?" She held out a hand to him.

Dipper hesitated, looking over her bright green skin. Even if she wasn't Bill, she was definitely not human. Of course, being her "guide" or whatever would allow him to keep an eye on her, and maybe determine her intentions with this school. Not to mention this could lead to some awesome discoveries that he could share with Grunkle Ford.

Star put a hand on Peridot's shoulder. "This is my sister," she said. "Can't you see the resemblance?"

Dipper stared for a moment at the hearts on Star's cheeks, and then the yellow diamonds on Peridot's uniform. "Is your entire family themed on playing card suits?" he blurted.

Marco tried and failed to hold in a snicker, and Star elbowed him abruptly.

Principal Skeeves tried to force a smile. "So? Whaddaya say, kid? Are you up to it?"

"Err... Let me think about it," Dipper said.

"Come on, boy, I'm counting on you," Principal Skeeves said, brow covered in sweat. "The school's counting on you. Don't let me- I mean, the school- down."

Dipper very thoroughly analyzed the situation. The principal seemed desperate. If he was his unscrupulous Grunkle Stan, what would he do? "Okay. On one condition."

"What's that?" Principal Skeeves said, dropping his smile.

* * *

Lapis woke up slowly, her regeneration sluggish. She became aware of things the instant her back hit a rounded glass wall- or tube- she was in a tube?! She tried not to panic, and failed, and found herself hyperventilating and beating desperately against the glass, which was hard because it was filled with liquid. It was dark, and she was alone, and she was very quickly losing it.

Suddenly a door opened, and the floor lit up. "You woke quicker than I expected," a high, cold voice said.

Lapis blinked, temporarily blinded by the light. All she could see were menacing red eyes. Then she looked down at her captor, and her eyes adjusted: he was short, scrawny, green... Kind of reminded her of Peridot. She felt herself calm. "You? You were the one who kidnapped me?"

"Of course I was!" Zim said, a little offended by the question. "Now cower! Cower, you puny little rock-thing, before the almighty Zim!"

"But... You're so... Small," Lapis said, and couldn't hold back a giggle.

"I AM NOT SMALL! I AM MIGHTY," Zim desperately screeched, and Lapis kept laughing, perhaps a bit hysterically.

"NO! NO! I kidnapped you," Zim said, as if this was breaking the rules of kidnapping. "QUiT LAUuGHIiNG AT MEe! I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL PAIN! Fear meEEEE!" He said, his voice cracking a little. Lapis could hardly breath with laughter. "That's it. You'll really be sorry. Gir!"

"You're just... So... Cute," Lapis gasped, wiping tears from her eyes.

Zim was shaking with anger. "GIR!" He shouted. Pause. "COME HERE, YOU USELESS HUNK OF METAL!"

And, when nothing happened and Lapis really couldn't stop laughing, Zim almost pleaded, "GI-HI-HIR!"

Finally a small, dopey looking robot wandered in. "I was making pancakes for our newww friend," Gir explained, stirring a bowl of batter slowly.

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR PANCAKES," Zim said hastily, and smacked the bowl out of his hands. He cleared his throat. "Gir, fetch me the electric squid!" He said in his most commanding voice.

Lapis put a hand on the thick glass wall of the tube. If she just increased the pressure of the liquid around her...

"Ooookay," Gir said. He stared at the tube, much to Zim's growing impatience. "I filled the balloons with pancake batter, but they exploded when I hugged them."

"Quit making no sense," Zim snapped. "Just go already."

Gir shrugged and wandered off.

"Just a little more," Lapis whispered.

"To the- you're going the wrong way, Gir!" Zim yelled in frustration.

Suddenly, the tube burst open behind him, sending a shockwave that sent Zim sprawling on his squeedily-spooch. He rolled over, attempting to recover quickly.

Lapis drifted out of the wreckage with a pair of liquid wings. Zim scrambled back, well aware he'd completely lost control of the situation. She completely towered over him when he was on the floor like that. He wasn't on the floor for long, launching at her.

Lapis lifted her arm. A large hand rose up from liquid spilled on the floor, mirroring Lapis's much smaller hand. It shot towards Zim in a sonic boom, and in a blink the wall impacted on his back, knocking the air out of him. He struggled, but he was pinned by the giant liquid palm. At least he was wearing glue today, or this would be burning. He whimpered slightly as the now freed prisoner stalked towards him.

"You made a horrible mistake," Lapis said darkly, and Zim almost wished she was still laughing. His antennae went back against his head. Lapis laughed hoarsely, enjoying how her voice almost resembled Malachite.

"I've had enough of being kidnapped. You think it's fun, being everyone's prisoner all the time?" Zim could feel a pressure rising in his organs, and he squeaked.

"It's about time I turned the tables," Lapis said. "Let's see how you like being the captive."

Gir wandered back in. "What was I supposed to get again?" He said. He looked between Lapis and Zim; Zim, who was looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Gir... Help... Me..." Zim wheezed.

"Ohhh yeaahhhh," Gir said, nonplussed. "Pancakes." And he wandered off.


	10. Obligations

The tardy bell rung for third period, and Dib didn't see Zim's ugly mug anywhere. They'd done nothing but trash-talk each other since they realized they shared a gym class this year, so there was no way Zim was skipping. That is, unless he had some stupid scheme up his alien sleeve. Dib sighed in impotent frustration. He'd been looking forward to pummeling Zim's stupid green head in dodgeball.

Today was just going to be a huge disappointment, he decided. First he got a whirly, then the blue alien girl escaped. And, as it turned out, they weren't even playing dodgeball that day, but instead were doing all manner of torturous endurance exercises. His entire body screamed in agony as they ran up and down hills of hot concrete track under the blistering sun. If only stupid Zim were there to suffer with him. How dare he stand him up on their first day of gym class together?!

"Dib, pick up that pace!" Coach Allura commanded over the microphone. Dib groaned in utter agony.

"I'll... get you back for this... Zim," he grumbled breathlessly.

* * *

"No." Principal Skeeves huffed. "Absolutely not. I have a reputation to uphold."

"All right," Dipper said. "I'll go back to class, then. Good luck finding that caretaker or whatever."

"Geez, there are a lot of hidden compartments in this device," Peridot said as she began opening the drawers of a filing cabinet one by one.

"Wait!" Skeeves said. "Be reasonable. How about a trophy? A medal of honor?"

Dipper paused. "Nah, I'm not interested."

Star had wandered over the coffee machine to try to make fresh coffee. She'd never tried it before, but she was sure it involved lots and lots of water, because most of it boiled off. When it first started trickling down, Star made sure to refill the water with a nearby water bottle.

"Star, what are you doing?" Marco said, sensing trouble.

"W-what about a bench in the school's football team? I can make that happen," Skeeves said urgently.

"Ehh, I don't really like sports," Dipper countered.

There was a sudden crash behind them. The filing cabinet fell over, too many open drawers throwing it off-balance, leaning its entire weight on Peridot. Filed papers were strewn everywhere. "It's okay," Peridot said, grunting in effort. "I got this."

Meanwhile, Star was shrieking in alarm as the coffee pot started overflowing, hissing and spitting when the water hit the heating tray. In a panic, she flung the the coffee pitcher over her shoulder and used the nearby water bottle to catch the unending flow. The coffee pitcher shattered all over the fallen file folders, covering everything with coffee and broken glass. Star sobbed as the water bottle melted at the bottom, pouring hot molten plastic and coffee all over the heat tray and the table below it.

"MARCO, HEEEELPP," Star wailed.

"STAR!" Marco said, and unplugged the coffee maker. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"FINE, FINE, I'LL DO ANYTHING," Principal Skeeves wailed, grabbing Dipper's shirt. "JUST GET THESE INSANE SISTERS OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Dipper smiled in triumph. "Bill, I'm going to need to borrow that plunger," he said sweetly.

After giving Marco brief instructions on how to use the camera, a grinning Dipper and a very unhappy Principal Skeeves posed for the picture. Wendy was gonna flip- a real life photo of him sticking a plunger on the principal's head!

Peridot, still still holding the full weight of the file cabinet, piped up: "Okay, urgh, I don't... Have this under... Control..." It toppled completely, crushing her underneath. "Help!" She squeaked.


	11. Changes

It was between classes, and Mabel was too impatient to wait longer. Hidden away in an "Out of Order" stall, Mabel pulled Star's wand from her bag and gave it a little wave. Suddenly she felt the ground slip away, and her body was enveloped in a greenish glow. From the shouts of surprise outside, it seemed she wasn't the only one floating. For a moment she felt a strange and uneasy nostalgia, but she attributed it to when Stan opened the portal and subsequently disrupted gravity. The feeling was forgotten as the wand began to change.

She remembered how it used to look: a small scepter decorated with a broken star and a tiny butterfly, and topped with white wings and a small crown. Now the star had significantly grown, and had become an opaque gold. A crack ran through a corner of the star, where it met with a broken half-heart encased in the center. An iridescent rainbow flared from the star's left side, looking almost like the world's most cheerful ax.

The moment passed, and gravity suddenly returned. "Whoooa," she whispered, and a wide grin spread across her face. Dipper was gonna _flip_ when he saw this. Too bad they wouldn't be seeing each other until lunchtime.

The tardy bell rang, startling Mabel from her reverie. She tossed the wand in her bag and hastily ran to her class.

Third period was remarkably underwhelming. Mabel had been anticipating art class all summer, but how could she have known they'd be talking about _art history_ on the first _day?!_ She stared down resentfully at the cave paintings of warriors in battle printed in her textbook. Leave it to school to make something like art _boring._ Maybe it was the anticipation of what rested inside her bag, but Mabel was ready to go home already.

* * *

Star felt an ominous chill run down her spine. "What do you mean it's not there?"

"See for yourself," Marco said, forcing the drawer open wider. "Maybe some weird talking dog stole it again?"

" _No,_ Marco. It wasn't the talking dog," Star said irritably. They had had to lock-pick every one of Ms. Bitter's drawers, so it was more than a little disappointing that they hadn't found the wand there. She chewed her thumb anxiously.

"We'd better get out of here before Ms. Bitters comes back," Marco said, tugging her arm. "You wanna get caught breaking into a teacher's classroom? Me neither."

"Wait," Star said, and snatched up the attendance sheet that she had altered earlier that day. "I bet one of these kids knows where the wand went."

"Good thinking," Marco whispered. "Now let's go."

* * *

Dipper couldn't help but feel awkward next to Peridot, who had been rigidly trailing behind him since they'd left the principal's office.

"So I understand you affixed the suction device on your leader head in order to cause hilarious amounts of humiliation," Peridot deducted. "Is opposing an authority figure really that common on Earth?"

"Err, yes," Dipper said awkwardl _y._ "Yes and no."

"That explains a lot," Peridot snorted.

They walked for a while in uncomfortable silence.

"Sooo, uh, where are you and your sister from, again?" Dipper squeaked, trying to force out some kind of icebreaker.

"Oh, uhhh..." Peridot's eyes darted about. "We're from... Er..."

"Never mind, don't answer that," Dipper said quickly, sparing her the unexpectedly difficult question. "Hobbies? Games? What kind of stuff do you like to do."

"I... Um... Mostly watch Camp Pining Hearts with Lapis," Peridot admitted. "But lately I've been trying to learn more about Earth. I'm one of its main protectors, if you didn't know."

"No kidding," Dipper said absently.

"You've heard of the Crystal Gems, right?" Peridot said proudly. "They've been saving the Earth thousands of years? Well, I'm their _leader_."

Dipper, having finished digging Peridot out from under a filing cabinet only moments before, struggled to take her seriously. Nevertheless, he quickly scribbled down 'Crystal Gems' to ask Grunkle Ford about it later.

"What are you doing," Peridot said, looked at him oddly when he shoved the journal back in his bag.

"Nothing," he said stiffly. "None of your business."

"Okay," Peridot said, not wanting to admit she was a little hurt. She pulled out her tablet. "This is my data log," she said, as if revealing a huge secret.

"Oh," Dipper said. "That's a really nice tablet."

Peridot beamed. "Thanks. It's nothing compared to the my equipment from Homeworld, but it's sufficient." She held it out to him. "Try it out," she offered.

"Dipper!" A voice suddenly called behind them.

Dipper's expression turned horrified. "Heeeey, Pacifica," he said.

"You forgot your gift-bag in the classroom," Pacifica said, and tried to hand it to him.

"No I didn't," Dipper replied, deadpan. He took the offered bag and handed it to Peridot. "What are you even doing here, anyway?! Why aren't you in Gravity Falls?"

Pacifica sighed heavily. "My parents have been insane since they lost most of our fortune in Weirdmaggedon. Father even tried to lure Mr. Pines back to see if Bill was somewhere in there."

"He should've known better than to try to scheme my grunkle," Dipper said proudly.

Peridot pulled out the Mystery Shack keychain quizzically.

Pacifica shrugged. "Well, I came here because you and Mabel were the only ones who saw me as more than a Northwest. I'm tired of living in the shadow of my crooked family. It's time to live my own life."

"So you mean you moved out here by yourself?" Dipper said incredulously.

"Not entirely," Pacifica said. "I have an acquaintance who was also looking for a new life out here, and was willing to help pay for some of my expenses. Remember Lil' Gideon?"


	12. Empty Threats

It was an idle Monday morning for Steven, since as Connie had to go back to school and the Gems were on some kind of new mission. He'd been working on stacking a really impressive card castle when a knock came at the door. The slight sound made the delicate castle fall down. "Aw, man," Steven sighed. His momentary disappointment was forgotten when he saw it was none other than Lapis standing outside, with what appeared to be a bald, off-colored Peridot strapped to her back. Steven opened the door with a quizzical and concerned look.

"Lapis?" Steven asked uncertainly.

"The Crystal Gems aren't here, are they?" Lapis replied.

Steven shook his head, and stepped aside so she could enter the house.

Lapis took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I think Peridot's in trouble."

"What do you mean?" Steven said. "Where is she? What happened?"

"We took a warp pad that lead us across the country, because Peridot wanted to 'expand her horizons'. The school we went to, we got... Separated." She looked down guiltily. "One of the humans tried to threaten me, but I escaped and went looking for Peridot. Then this guy-" she pointed to the green kid on her back "-kidnaps me, and I thought I'd return the favor."

"Oh, kind of like what you did with Jasper, right?" Steven said, before realizing that was the wrong thing to say. Lapis just stared at him stonily.

"Err, I mean... I-is this another gem?" Steven said hastily.

"No- er- I don't think so," Lapis replied. "You don't think he's a human?"

"I'm human," the green alien boy chirped. "A 100% home-grown, free-range earthling. That is me."

"No," Steven said certainly. "He's definitely not human. You're not a gem, are you, little guy? I like your dinosaur egg backpack, by the way."

The green stranger wriggled in his bindings. "Question me all you like, pathetic worm-baby, but the mighty Zim will _never_ talk," he spat.

"Um, Lapis, you think you can untie him for a minute?" Steven said almost apologetically.

"Mmm." Lapis mulled it over uncertainly before dropping Zim onto the floor unceremoniously. The dinosaur egg thing on his back grew spider legs, and Zim skittered on the ceiling rafters and and stared down at them with narrowed eyes.

"So, uhh, we're not going to hurt you, Zim," Steven said gently. "We just want to talk. Can you come down?"

"No," Zim spat obstinately. "You're filled with lies, you pitiful Earthling. You're lucky I don't decimate you two on the spot."

"Oh, come on, you don't want to kill us," Steven said patiently, albeit a little patronizingly. "We just want to get our friend back, and I'm sure you want to go home."

"No, I definitely want to kill you," Zim countered. "And laugh at your pathetic corpses."

At Steven's disapproving frown, Lapis floated up to the rafters to level with Zim. "Don't make me tear out your spider legs," she said darkly.

Zim regarded her warily, then sneered. "I don't know what happened to your little friend," he conceded. "But I'd worry about myself if I were you. This planet is already marked by Irk, as Gemworld should be _well_ aware. I've notified the Tallest that your planet has breached our treaty, and the armada should be arriving any day now. You'd better run if you value your life."

* * *

Back on the Massive, the Tallest deliberated over Zim's latest message. On the one hand, they hated Zim and any plans involving anything near him caused massive amounts of destruction. On the other, this could be the excuse they needed to invade Gemworld.

"I never liked those Gems," Tallest Purple said around a mouthful of doughnut. "Ohhh, look at me, I'm Yellow Diamond. I'm so _taaaaall,_ I'm just a projection of energy and liiiight."

"We'd lose a lot of Irkens if we waged that kind of war," Tallest Red murmured pensively. "But maybe we can get the best of both worlds."

"Whaddaya mean?" Tallest Purple asked as he shuffled a hand through a bag of popcorn.

"We have Zim fight the Gems, and then tell the Gems that Zim is acting as a member of thats stupid rebel group. The... 'Resisty,' or whatever they call themselves nowadays."

"I think it's still the Resisty," Purple interjected.

"Yeah, right, whatever," Red replied flippantly. "Let's let them fight each other. Whoever loses is one less problem for us."

Tallest Purple snickered. "Didn't we try that before with someone else?"

Tallest Red shrugged. "Probably. Who cares? Let's get nachos."

"'Kay."

* * *

"Yep. Aaany day now..." Zim repeated in his most threatening voice.

"Well, while we're waiting for them, do you want to come down from there?" Steven said. "Maybe tell us why you kidnapped Lapis?"

"I don't need to answer to you," Zim responded indignantly, his voice cracking a little. "And I'm not coming down. You can't make me."

"Okaaay," Steven said patiently. "Well, me and Lapis are going to go look for Peridot, so I guess you can stay here until we get back. It's your choice."

Lapis glared up at Zim. That comment Steven made about Jasper made Lapis want to forget about the whole kidnapping thing. "Let's just go, Steven. He can find a way back across the country on his own."

Zim's eyes grew wide. His last attempts at using public transportation left him stranded for weeks. "Wait," he squeaked reluctantly. Steven and Lapis turned. "Take me with you."

"Are you okay with that, Lapis?" Steven asked.

Lapis clenched her fist. "Fine."

Steven couldn't help but note the look of intimidation on Zim's face. "Don't worry, little guy, we'll get you home safely," Steven assured him, and patted his head.

"There are 8 different ways I want to kill you right now," Zim said, recoiling from the physical contact.

"Oh. Okay," Steven said, and kept his distance.

* * *

Being a server on the Massive was a far cry from her life as an Irken Elite trainee, but it beat life as a janitor on planet Dirt. If it all lead to Tak overhearing the Tallest's conversation, of course, it was all worth it in the end.

"Tallest, I couldn't help but overhear your talk of Zim's mission," said Tak, who preemptively slipped on their table a tray of hot, cheesy nachos. "Send me to Earth, and I'll take of this problem."

Tallest Purple saw only nachos, and saw no reason to reply when that wish was fulfilled. Red looked her over skeptically. "Why you?"

Tak smiled bitterly. "I know what he's capable of better than anyone."


	13. Ax the Wand

After emerging from the room, Star and Marco agreed to split up to look for the wand. By chance, Star was passing the art room just as Mabel was walking out.

"Hey, Mabel," Star greeted absentmindedly, before doing a double-take. "Wait! Mabel! You were there in Ms. Bitter's class! Did you see where my wand was taken?"

Mabel startled, then rubbed her neck guiltily. "Oh, yeah, your wand. I have it, but I kind of... changed it?" She smiled sheepishly.

Star's eyes widened. "Wait... WAIT! You have my wand?" She squealed and hugged a slightly perturbed Mabel. "Yesss! I don't have to call my mother!"

"So, uh, you're not mad that it changed?" Mabel said.

Star smiled. "It'll change once you hand it back to me. No big!"

"Oh. Okay." Mabel pulled the rainbow battle ax wand from her bag.

"Whooaaa," Star said, with sparkles in her eyes. "That's what yours looks like?" She touched the rainbow part fondly. "Soo shiny." Mabel relinquished it to her.

"So can you transform into a magical girl with that wand?" Mabel asked excitedly. "Do you have a secret identity? Are you from the moon?"

Star ignored her, shaking the wand vigorously. She seemed to be expecting something. Mabel noticed the problem, and her smile faded. "This... this is normal, right?" She murmured.

"Change back, you stupid wand!" Star growled impatiently. "Change! Change! Change!" And she threw it across the hallway, where it lodged into the ground just a foot away from where Marco was approaching.

"Uhhh... What's this?" He asked.

"My waaaaand," Star said despondently.

"I'm so sorry, Star," Mabel said guiltily. "Maybe we can find some way to fix it?"

Marco, who was trying to pull the ax from the floor, groaned. "This is going to involve Glossaryc, isn't it?"

"That, or my mom," Star said, tone saying that the latter was somehow less appealing than the former.

"Er, my Grunkle Ford might be able to help, too," Mabel offered. "He was stuck hopping dimensions for a couple decades, so maybe he's come across magical princess wand problems before?"

"It's worth a try," Star said, and she pushed aside Marco, who was still struggling over the embedded ax-wand. "I've got this," she said firmly. With a battle cry, she wrenched it from the earth. Marco just rolled his eyes.

"Mable?" Dipper, thankful for an excuse to get away from Pacifica, ran to see what was happening. Peridot came trailing behind, still eyeing the contents of the goodie bag Dipper shoved in her hands. She pulled out a party invite and turned it over in her hands.

Pacifica, not shaken off easily, followed behind Peridot. "You're welcome to come to the party, too," she said with a wink. "I like that gem on your forehead, by the way. Who was the jeweler?"

Peridot, puzzled, started with the first question the conversation prompted. "What is a party?"

"Hey broseph," Mabel said with a guilty smile. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about wand repair, would you?"

Dipper shrugged. "Have you tried turning it off and on again? Are the batteries low?"

"Does this thing even have batteries?" Mabel mused.

"Yes," Marco and Star answered at the same time.

"But that's not the problem," Marco explained. "The wand should've changed back when Star held it."

Peridot wandered over, suddenly interested in the discussion. "What needs fixing? I can fix anything."

Star held out the wand for her to examine, and Peridot hummed quietly.

"Let me see that," she said, and snatched the wand away. "Hmm. Interesting. Where did you find this?"

"It's the only cool thing about being the princess of Mewni," Star explained. "It used to be my mom's, and is sort of the reason I'm on Earth."

"Mewni. I've never heard of it," Peridot admitted. "What would a Gem shard be doing on Mewni?"

"Is Mewni some kind of all-cat planet?" Mabel said hopefully.

Dipper scribbled down notes. Dib calling his birthmark the mark of a demonic wizard, Peridot saying something about the Crystal Gems being protectors of Earth, and now Star Butterfly is supposed to be some princess from a place called Mewni?

Pacifica, well aware she wouldn't be able to get Dipper's attention or get him to come to her party, wanders off dejectedly.

"No, there are no cats," Marco says.

"There are some cats," Star corrects.

"Will you all stop standing around in the hallway and get to your classes?!" A teacher yells at them.

"Follow me," Dipper said, when Peridot didn't seem to be moving.

"I guess I'll see you later," Mabel says to Star, almost apologetically.

"Right, see ya," Star said, a little distracted. She turned to Marco, clutching her changed wand. "I'm going home, Marco. My wand is sick."

"Star, no, you can't just go home because your wand is sick," Marco tried to argue.

But Star just looked grim as she moved past him and out the doors of the school.

Marco sighed and headed to his next class.

A/N: I'm going to try to cut down on the amount of characters I'm focusing on to avoid reader confusion, so any character brought in after this chapter will be for background purposes only :) Thanks to those of you currently sticking with the story.


	14. Party Crashers

"Wait," Peridot said as she caught up behind Star. "I might be able to help you."

"Help me?" Star echoed, a little dazed.

"Peridot, come on before we're late for class," Dipper said impatiently.

Peridot glanced at Dipper, and sighed. "My guide is waiting for me," she said, and then slipped Star the invitation to Pacifica's party. "Meet me at these coordinates at the time allotted on the card."

"Ehh, yeah, a party," Star grumbled, looking over the card sulkily.

Then, like a light flicking on, her expression changed. "Wait, a PAR-TAY?!" She grabbed Peridot into a suffocating hug. "You're the best Earth sister any mister could ever ever ask for!" She twirled Peridot about, then gasped. "I HAVE TO GET READY!"

Then, with a sudden swipe of scissors, Star cut open thin air and dove into the dimensional hole she created. The hole sealed immediately after, leaving Peridot mystified and Dipper frantically scribbling in his journal.

"What's a sister again?" Peridot asked uncertainly.

"You're joking, right?" Dipper said. But Peridot's frustrated and confused expression made him realize that she was indeed very serious. "I'll... Try to explain on the way to class," he sighed.

* * *

Zim begrudgingly trudged behind Lapis and Steven, wishing for all the world he had a Maim Bot, or for that matter any sort of mass-destructiony device.

"Do you remember where you saw Peridot last?" Steven asked.

"It was a building filled with earthlings," Lapis answered. "They were crawling everywhere." She shuddered.

"That doesn't narrow it down," Steven said patiently. "Was there anything you remember about it? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"There was fabric attached to a pole?" Lapis muttered. "And the building-"

"You simpleton, that's called a flag," Zim snapped. "And the school you're looking for is Echo Creek. Did you even bother to blend into enemy territory?"

"Do you even bother to be nice?" Steven retorted, frustrated with Zim's attitude. "And who's the enemy? Lapis isn't trying to hurt everyone like you are."

"Did we really need to bring the soft-headed worm-child with us?" Zim snapped at Lapis.

"Steven is helping me find Peridot," Lapis said. "You're the dead weight of the group. Don't be expendable and a nuisance."

Zim growled and clenched his fist, but seemed to think better of whatever he'd planned to say. After all, he'd have the last laugh after the Armada arrived. And then, looking up at horizon, he could've sworn he saw an Irken cruiser streak across the sky. He smiled toothily.

* * *

Time was ticking back at the mansion Lil' Gideon and Pacifica shared. The party they'd planned was starting in just a few hours, and Gideon was set to do the preparations so that everything turned out perfect. Only, it wasn't.

It was an absolute disaster. Gideon had ordered fifty swans for the grand opening, and the handler had the audacity to only bring thirty-eight. Then, the twenty-foot chocolate sculpture made in Gideon's image arrived in white chocolate with milk chocolates accents, instead of milk chocolate with white accents as Gideon had specifically requested. Of course, there wasn't any time to remedy the situation. Gideon was directing Ghost Eyes on where to place the disappointing statue when he noticed a limousine pull up to the driveway. Pacifica, sobbing, didn't even wait for her driver to open the door before bursting into the mansion.

"He _HATES_ me!" She wailed, flinging herself dramatically onto the nearest lounge chair.  
"Sit up, you'll crinkle the chiffon," Gideon sighed. "Who hates you, sugar bean?"  
"Dipper," Pacifica grumbled. "I don't get it. I even went to that _rotten_ little _Conspiracy Hut_... Shack thing his uncle used to run, and nearly bought out the place." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her gloved hand. "He didn't even pretend to care. I've moved halfway across the country to live in this hovel and live like a commoner, and he doesn't even bat an eye." She accepted a tissue from one of the attending butlers, and blew her nose. "I'm not used to only living in one mansion. I barely have space for my pony."

"I told you not to waste your time with him," Gideon chided. "I thought we agreed to move here so you could help me get close to Mabel."

"You're not even going to her school, though," Pacifica pointed out. "I thought you gave up."

"You KNOW I'm waiting on those PAPERS," Gideon shrieked, his cheeks hot. Since Gideon was still of elementary school age, he had to bribe his way into attending Echo Creek. Principal Skeeves, though a highly bribable man, insisted after the money had been passed that Gideon would need the signatures of his parents before he could officially start school. Of course, Gideon had left his useless parents back in Gravity Falls, just as Pacifica had with her parents. "You know I want to be there more than any-"  
Ghost Eyes, sensing a meltdown, interrupted by putting a hand on Gideon's shoulder. "Remember what they told us in Anger Management," he said.  
Gideon stopped, breathed in, breathed out. "Yes, thank you, Ghost Eyes," Gideon sighed, and sat beside Pacifica on the lounge chair. "Excuse my outburst. I didn't mean it, sugar cube. Just... You know Mabel's my one and only, right?"

"Right. I'm sorry, I know you still care about her," Pacifica said gently. "It's just- that's my feelings for Dipper, you know? He helped me stand up to my family. He helped me _realize_ I needed to stand up to my family."

Gideon nodded gently, and his features softened. "And he turned a pretty lady like you down," he sighed.

He turned to her, and patted her back. "I know what'll cheer you up. We'll make this a party so fine, you'll forget all about our old friend Dipper Pines. Come on, I'll do your hair in that style I was talking about before. Once your photo's on every magazine in Los Angeles, Dipper will be crawling here on his hands and knees, no lie."  
Pacifica sniffled. She knew that would be against Dipper's nature, but the thought was comforting nonetheless. "All right, just don't make my hair too curly," she replied with a crooked smile.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Isn't it a little early for guests?" Pacifica huffed. The nerve of some people.

"It must be the handler for the swans. He'd better have all fifty this time, or next time I'm ordering them cooked," Gideon grumbled. "Ghost Eyes, get the door."

Ghost Eyes grunted and lumbered over to the door, nearly covering the doorframe with his large, muscular frame.

"Who is it?" Gideon called, craning to see.

There was some shuffling some muffled words exchanged. Suddenly there was an explosion, and when the dust cleared Ghost Eyes was halfway lodged into the staircase, groaning loudly.

Gideon and Pacifica leapt up in alarm.

"Ghost Eyes!" Gideon shrieked, running to check on his loyal friend.

Pacifica, on the other hand, approached the door warily, her stomach turning. "Please don't be Bill," she whimpered.

The figure was not what she expected- a small, sickly green alien, with large purple eyes.

"My name is Tak, and I am now the leader of this base," the alien announced. "Resist, and you will suffer greatly."


End file.
